This article comes from our partners in the UK. It has been adapted for a U.S. audience.
Becoming a new parent is, in a word, challenging. Parenthood is a rollercoaster, and along with the wonderful feelings, emotions, and overwhelming love you feel for your baby, it's completely normal to feel the inevitable lows that come why-its-important-to-normalize-with the highs.
Most people only talk about the highlights of parenthood — the beautiful connection to your new bundle of joy, your growing family, and all those adorable 'firsts.'
And when it comes to social media, people only ever tend to post the good stuff because no one wants to see videos of disagreements, sleepless nights, crying babies, or the endless cups of cold coffee sitting on the table. But not hearing or seeing those stories can often leave new parents feeling worried, stressed, or even ashamed for going through the ‘lows’ of parenting.
We're here to remind you that it's okay — in fact, it’s more than okay, it's normal!) to feel and acknowledge ALL of your feelings, good or bad.
Becoming a New Parent
This huge life transition — being responsible for a brand new little human — is a lot for anyone to deal with, especially given the sleep deprivation, information overload, and hormonal and body changes. Inevitably, you’re also probably facing not-always-welcomed (or asked for!) advice from others — not to mention opinions, and even judgement.
It can take months to settle into parenthood, and as soon as you feel like you've cracked the code, along comes a whole new chapter of fun, learning, and challenges.
So, if you or your partner are having days where you're not enjoying certain parts of parenting, rest assured that so many new parents feel the same way — even if they don't always talk about it.
Adjusting to Parenthood
Life with a new baby invites a lot of new learning and change. Let's look at a few of these changes.
1. Lack of Sleep
Perhaps one of the biggest challenges is learning how to cope throughout the day (and night) with far less sleep than you're used to.
For new moms, pregnancy — especially in the last few weeks — can start to prepare you for this. Restless nights and interrupted sleep due to being physically uncomfortable or needing to use the bathroom every couple of minutes can give you a good idea of what's to come.
Lack of sleep can have a big impact on your mood, energy, and ability to think clearly. As a result, you are more likely to feel overwhelmed and overly emotional.
It's important to recognize the impact of sleep deprivation on how you feel and function and not to be too hard on yourself. It can be useful to come up with some practical strategies with your partner or other people who can support you to try and get some extra sleep.
2. Body Image
With pregnancy, birth, and parenthood come changes to your body, which can impact your self-esteem and body image.
When you're pregnant, your blossoming bump is the center of attention (although not always in a good way — “Wow! You're huge!”). There is great variation in how our bodies adjust to pregnancy and this can also be the case in the weeks, months, and years after giving birth.
What's most important is taking care of yourself and not putting too much pressure or expectations on how you look. Many women feel the pressure to 'bounce back' after having a baby, but this process is easier said than done and there are no rewards for those who do so in a shorter amount of time than others.
Looking after yourself, eating well, and doing gentle exercise can help you feel better and help sustain your energy levels. Just remember, a lot of what you see on Instagram and other social media platforms isn't reality. Celebrities who have bounced back quickly after giving birth most likely have personal trainers, nannies, housekeepers, and chefs!
3. Mourning Your Freedom
Before becoming a parent, you could go out whenever you wanted, stay for drinks after work, go out for impromptu date nights, and stay up all night bingeing the latest show on Netflix.
With a new baby to care for, that life can soon feel like a distant memory. It's okay to acknowledge and feel sad about this. It might not have been something you thought about while pregnant, and the reality can feel like a shock.
As life with a newborn settles down, think about making a few simple plans. Date nights a couple of evenings a month, dinner with friends, an exercise class, or even a couple of hours to get your hair done or have a massage. Having a few plans every month to look forward to can help make you feel more like your old self.
4. Bonding With Your Baby
Another challenge that isn't talked about enough, is the time it can take to bond with your new baby.
There are a lot of reasons why it may take longer than expected to develop a connection with your little one. Bonding with your baby is something we generally expect will happen instantly, and while this may be the case for some, it isn't for others.
The truth is, it can take days, weeks, or even months before you feel a strong connection with your baby. It's completely normal and it isn't a sign of not being a 'good' or 'natural' parent. All new relationships take time and investment. Parenthood is no exception, so try not to put additional pressure on yourself.
These are just some of the common challenges faced by many new parents, so understanding that it's normal to acknowledge these feelings is the first step in accepting that not every aspect of parenthood is sunshine and rainbows. No matter what you're experiencing, it's okay to feel all the feelings.
