The age-old debate of nature vs. nurture has evolved into a more nuanced understanding: it’s not one or the other, but both working in harmony. Nature gives us our genetic blueprint—our biological makeup and innate potential—while nurture encompasses the environment, relationships, and experiences that shape how that potential unfolds. 

Every child is born with the capacity to thrive. Whether that potential is realized depends heavily on what happens in the early years of life. These early experiences and relationships can either nurture growth or hinder it. 

Children need a nurturing environment—rich in love, structure, and guidance—to help them flourish. This is where parenting styles come into play. Understanding how nature and nurture interact can empower parents to make intentional choices that support their child’s development and well-being. And while parenting is never perfect, the good news is that children are extremely resilient and one tough day won’t affect their growth or ruin their potential. 

Dr. Diana Baumrind identified four primary parenting styles, each characterized by distinct approaches to discipline, communication, nurturance, and expectations. While these styles—authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved—have been widely studied and applied, it's important to note that Baumrind framework is largely United States-centric and unclear on how well they apply to parents cross-culturally. 

What are the four parenting styles

Authoritarian parenting

Authoritarian parents are often thought of as disciplinarians.

• They use a strict discipline style with little negotiation possible. Punishment is common. 
• Communication is mostly one way: from parent to child. Rules are usually not explained.
• Parents with this style are typically less nurturing.
• Expectations are high with limited flexibility.

For example, a child asks to play outside after dinner. The parent immediately refuses the request without explanation, using a stern tone to demand obedience. If the child were to respond with “But, why?”, they would be met with, “Because I said so... You need to go to bed,” with no real empathy, discussion, or negotiation permitted. 

Permissive parenting

Permissive or indulgent parents mostly let their children do what they want and offer limited guidance or direction. They are more like friends than parents.

• Their discipline style is the opposite of strict. They have limited or no rules and mostly let children figure problems out on their own. 
• Communication is open but these parents let children decide for themselves rather than giving direction.
• Parents in this category tend to be warm and nurturing.
• Expectations are typically minimal or not set by these parents. 

An example of this would be if a child suddenly develops heightened emotions in the grocery store because they want a toy. A permissive parent will buy the toy to stop the behavior rather than setting limits or helping the child understand their emotions—prioritizing their child’s happiness and avoiding conflict.

Uninvolved parenting

Uninvolved parents give children a lot of freedom and generally stay out of their way. Some parents may make a conscious decision to parent this way, while others are less interested in parenting or unsure of what to do. 

• No particular discipline style is utilized. An uninvolved parent lets a child mostly do what they want, probably out of a lack of information or caring. 
• Communication is limited.
• This group of parents offers little nurturing. 
• There are few or no expectations of children.

For example, a young child is struggling with a puzzle and begins to cry. Their parent, absorbed in their phone, glances up briefly and says “You’re okay, figure it out,” and returns to their device. The child continues to cry, but the parent offers no further assistance or comfort, demonstrating a lack of responsiveness, interest, and emotional warmth. 

Authoritative parenting

What is authoritative parenting? Authoritative parents are reasonable and nurturing and set clear expectations and healthy limits. Children with parents who demonstrate this style tend to grow up to have higher self-esteem, better emotional regulation, and stronger school performance. This style is believed to be most beneficial to children. 

• There is positive discipline. Rules are clear and the reasons behind them are explained. 
• Communication is frequent and appropriate to the child’s level of understanding. 
• Authoritative parents are nurturing and warm. 
• Expectations and goals are high but stated clearly. Children may have input into goals. 

An example of authoritative parenting would be when a young child wants to watch TV instead of eat dinner, and the parent responds by saying, “It’s time to eat dinner now. We eat dinner together as a family. I know you want to watch TV, but it’s important to eat first. You can choose between chicken and pasta for dinner.” This approach balances firm limits with warmth and understanding. Clear expectations are set and consistently enforced, while the child’s feelings are acknowledged, and choices are offered.

How parenting styles affect growth and development

• Relationships. We know from research that parenting does impact children. Research shows us that the quality of the relationship between parent and child has a huge impact on brain development—the actual architecture of children’s brains is influenced by parenting. Numerous studies have found that secure, healthy parent-child relationships impact children’s stress levels, social-emotional development, and even academic success. The work of parenting is figuring out how to have a warm, high-quality relationship with your child while also creating rules and expectations. This takes time, practice, patience, and willingness to course correct when things are not working. 
• Temperament. Every person is born with a unique way of approaching the world—their temperament. Research indicates that a combination of family influence and genetic disposition affects how people approach and respond to situations. Temperament includes our activity level, emotional intensity, and mood, how we react to new places, transitions, or changes, and our level of focus and persistence. In some cases, children and parents are similar in temperament and share many of the same reactions, perceptions, or opinions. At other times, children and parents may differ. In these cases, parents might need to adjust their expectations. As adults, we’re responsible for the quality and success of our relationships with children. Once we have insight into our temperament and our child’s temperament, we can learn to prepare children and plan or alter the environment, as well as our actions and reactions, to create a “goodness of fit.” 

The Baumrind parenting styles offer a starting point for understanding how you generally parent. From there, you can individualize your style for you and your child, creating a “goodness of fit” that prioritizes strong relationships, clear communication, and effective rules and guidance. 

Can you change your parenting style?

Many parents find themselves questioning their methods of parenting and seeking a more positive, effective way to connect with their children. The authoritative parenting style can provide a framework for fostering strong, healthy relationships while setting clear boundaries. Remember, authoritative parenting is not about perfection but about creating a supportive environment where children feel loved, understood, and guided. It is never too late to embark on the journey of enhancing and enriching your parent-child relationship.

Watch this full podcast as Claire and Rachel dive deeper into the research and explore the four different types of parenting styles, including which one best serves children as they grow and thrive.