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When Caregivers Leave
In Memory of Jim Greenman:
Visionary and Pioneer in Early Education
This edition of e.family news is in loving memory of our friend and colleague Jim Greenman, driving force and author behind e.family news. Jim was a legend not only within Bright Horizons but in the entire field of early education. He saw the purpose in children’s play and unveiled it for the world to see messy little scientists, emerging builders, acrobats, and artisans. While his passing leaves a major void in our hearts and in the early childhood profession, his legacy leaves an ever-lasting gift to children and to educators that will sustain for generations to come. We invite you to visit the online condolence book where you can leave your thoughts and reflections on Jim for his family. Jim, you will be dearly missed. Coping with Sadness and Loss
When children lose people, they feel sad and to some degree, a little insecure. There are four pillars of security in a child’s life: people, place, routine, and ritual. There are people we lean on for strength and reassurance; familiar places where we are safe and at home; dependable routines such as our morning cup of coffee; and comforting rituals like using our favorite coffee mug or sitting in our favorite spot.
To help children cope with the sudden loss of a caregiver, parents and the child care provider should:
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Find out how the child is feeling: "How are you feeling about Carmen leaving?" "Will you miss her?" "What will you miss?" Try not to probe or assume that the child is upset. -
Acknowledge and accept the sadness or anger children may feel. "We all feel sad when someone leaves us. Sometimes it makes us mad too that he or she left us." -
Minimize other changes in the child’s life for a while: the people, places, routines, and rituals. Keep the same schedule as well as the same routine the children are accustomed with to provide consistency. -
Reassure children that they will be well cared for and safe. -
Let children know your feelings, but try to be positive because children may reflect your feelings and feel worse. -
Ask the child if he or she would like to write a note or draw a picture to send to the person who left. -
Make sure that the child knows that you will continue to be there. Parents should make sure they say goodbye during drop off and reassure the child that they will be there for pick up at the end of the day. -
If circumstances are appropriate, ask the caregiver who is leaving to send a card or a letter. -
If possible, use substitutes familiar to the children until a new caregiver is found. -
When a new caregiver is introduced, maintain the same environment, routines, and rituals so that the children can get used to the new teacher.
People come and go in the world of child care. Child care programs should be a place where children and families feel that they are members of a community where they are recognized, understood, and valued. The sense of community and partnership between families and child care providers should help children feel that the world is a good and safe place to be in, even when special people leave.
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